Family Vacations without Peyton

This past week was our Big Family Beach Vacation on Brett’s side of the family. It’s a yearly trip we do with a lot of his family. It’s always so much fun. This was a much needed trip for us. We all needed to get away and have a week full of happiness and new memories. 

It was an incredible trip! We made some of the best memories....but it was as hard and sad for me as it was happy. I had moments of complete sadness and moments of utter happiness. My showers and time spent getting ready were the moments I would actually let myself break down and let the tears out. I would stand there and just cry in the shower. I could let it all out there by myself....and not put a damper on anyone else’s day. My heart was so happy, yet so sad thinking about our missing piece. 

Peyton would have been on this trip. I had the prettiest little dresses picked out for her for this trip....but sadly, they are in a closed up box right now. I had matching outfits for her and Tenley. I couldn’t wait to see all three of them dressed for our special dinners. 

It really hurt seeing some of these pictures that she would have been in. It never failed though, Brett always knew when I was sad. He could see it. He would always come to the rescue and be there for me. He would always remind me that we have to take in these happy moments and run with them. Let the happiness overshadow that horrible sadness. Be thankful for what we do have. And be thankful that we know where baby girl is. We have to remember that we are making happy memories with our earthly children and we have to remember how thankful we are for that. That always seemed to help and would bring me back to life. 

This year of firsts without her continued to be really hard, but I am so thankful that I am having so many good days lately. I feel like I am more myself these days. And none of that would be possible without my relationship with God.